Much praise to you caretakers

I’ve started being my mammas care taker. Brother doesn’t seem to have time to help and my other brother lives 700 miles away. My wife works lots of hrs but still does a bunch for mother. She fell a week ago and broke her knee cap. She has a special brace to wear. I have to put the brace off and on after she showers or changes cloths. This has given me the chance to make sure she takes her meds like she’s supposed to. She was getting the meds mixed up. I’m so sad of her condition it’s tearing me up. She’s calling me at work often and it’s causing some grief.
I had to take over her finances a few months back.
I’m learning and getting used to the situation. I’m grateful for Jenny. She’s been a huge help and has the medical experience.
My hat’s off to each of you that have been through this or are going through this.

I'm doing that right now with my Mother Thad.  I've been doing it now for almost 2 years (July).  It is really hard and I have learned to keep my mouth shut when I want to just scream.  She is in GREAT physical shape, but her mind is not very good.  Thank the Lord that she is now in an 'assisted living' facility.  That takes a load off of me now.  I still have things that I have to do about every other day though.  Love will see us through this, the love of the Lord and our love for each other.  My wife is very understanding and knows I have to be away from home a lot.  It's just really sad when someone's mind starts to fail.  I pray others don't have to go through this, but I know that is not possible.
Prayers for you and Jen to help you through this hardship.  Give Mom a hug from another Allis nut.  That should give her a smile.

Prayers for you and Jenny. It is probably the most demanding and stressful task anyone has to undertake. I had the opportunity to do much the same for my best friend and neighbor during his last 6 months of life. His wife did her best, but she just didn't have the physical strength to handle him. That was near two years ago and I'm still worn out. Should the need arise, I would do it again, but just don't want to think about it. I pray that I suddenly pass and don't bring on such a situation to my family. God Bless.

It is proven that many caretakers can be run down to the point of their own health declining so take extra care of yourselves.

We have considered area of the aging to help a bit but don’t know the details. She’s lonely and that’s a problem as we live way out of town so she’s used to driving her self to town any time she wants.

Wife and I ended up taking up as errand runners for my Dad, he checked himself into a Assisted Living Center so would not become a family burden. Wife's Dad ended up with Emphysema at 67, full blown COPD with running bacterial pneumonia or bronchitis or both until lung function drifted too low to maneuver, she then aided her mother in care of him as Hospice workers, ugly year, uglier still that physicians and nurses had explained to the both of them did not want to go down that road but did not listen. Wife is still depressed as to how her Dad passed and nothing she could do but watch. Her Mother was but just over 10 years after, she lived a good long life but had been on blood thinners as well open heart surgery which related to her strokes. In the last year she had two small strokes back to back, went in the hospital one last time with another and as she laid in E-room she was found to be suffering from fluid filling her lungs, no way to stop it or control it or to prevent her death so SHE opted to just go to sleep and pass on, knew it was her time, entire family all about her.

My Dad was a alcoholic, had several small imbalance issues where fell, gave himself brain bleeds which eventually triggered a massive stroke in his sleep, went quietly and in no pain. Mom died in 92, older brother in 93 so Dad was trying to drown his sorrows thru a brown bottle, few would argue it with him. Younger Brother took care of our Grandmother, she had to have someone watch her finances and her meds where my shifts schedules prevented such, our Cousin also aided in that her Mom was already gone(Grandma's sis) and she felt obliged to take care of her Aunt. Lots of helping hands among all but still gut wrenchers all.

My wife and children were caretakers for my Dad until his Parkinson's disease made us unable to care for him and he went to the Medical Care facility. My Mom stayed home until she passed but needed help as she had crippling arthritis and could not drive. Currently we took care of my wife's mother who until recently lived near us and has Alzheimers and moved to an assisted living home. I am also looking after my 90 year old Aunt who is starting to fail. She played women's professional baseball in the 40's and 50's and is still pretty damn tough but her heart is wearing out along with her running gear! There were days when I had the why me attitude! Then I would say to myself some people are caretakers and some are just taker's!

Thad my only suggestion is to keep your two brothers in the loop when it comes to managing your mothers finances. i have seen it happen that when one person handles the parents money that when the parent passes on the others get hurt feelings because they think there should have been more money left in the bank and think some stealing has been going on. So now not only do you have to care for your mother but you have to put on the soft gloves for your brothers. Take care and God bless.

desertjoe wrote:  UMMm,,I guess I'm a little dense at the two descriptions you use,,,assisted living and rest home.  How do those compare with a "Nursing Home"?

klinemar wrote: Thad,to protect your mom, your brothers and yourself you need power of attorney both financial and medical. This allows you to make decisions regarding paying your mothers Bill's and medical treatment. Hospitals do not have to honor a patients wishes for treatment or divulge information. Most do but on occasion some don't. A POA agreement gives you protection and allows you to make decisions about medical treatment a d honor your mother's wishes. I had one for my mom and am planning g on getting one for my Aunt. Your will be accepting primary care of your mom unless your brothers step in as alternates .

I am her power of attorney and Jenny is medical power of attorney. The brother here is secondary.

Thad if you get down in the dumps private message me here and I will respond!I have been through a lot of this with both parents and my wife's family. I lost my sister before both of my parents passed so I was and still am the Lone Ranger from my family! I can credit my wife and adult children for helping! It's not an easy task but as Ted says your Mom took care of you and now you can help take care of her!

Jenny met with area of the aging. Yesterday. They came out to see what mom qualifying for. I was supposed to be there but circumstances at work held me up. The lady really liked mom and wants to help.

We didn’t have quite all the paper work she needed so Jenn and I will gather it today. Then a nurse comes out to evaluate the situation.

Hopefully the government people you deal with are into helping you and not having there own power trip. As much as I hate to say it a lawyer earned his pay helping my sisters and I with  parents  and the heath issues.

Our family researched home upgrades through a NY State program but Dad was too proud initially. Finally relented about 3 years before he passed so it was pro-rated as it was a 5 year deal, state took the balance out of the estate we just sold to a neighbor.