Well,,Thad,,I really feel for you and Jen and your Mother. I'm hoping and praying that she gets better soon so as to free up your time like before. I won't try to sugarcoat anyone and say it has been easy being a caretaker,,,it is a very difficult and demanding responsibility that takes up a big part of a person's day. I have had several people come up to me and start telling  me their story about their experience being the caretaker for a family member that has since passed on. To a one,,,they have all told me they will not ever volunteer to do that again, They all had other family members that had so many different reasons as to WHY they could not take care of the sick person which is kinda sad but it is what it is,,,,,A person just gots to stretch your shoulders out even more and hope you gots room for even more to carry

Cancer in the family taking both parents within two years (plus the oldest brother passing between both parents) has taken a mighty toll on my family.

Somebody will need assistance with care duties and when it does not happen resentment can set in quickly.

Really surfaces when time to settle an estate as someone will carry that lack of assistance with care taking forever.

Stopping to discuss what is needed for help can be tough but has to be done; two of my sisters just could not get it into their heads that the brother with a dairy was not available early mornings and late afternoons/early evenings because he was milking.

That lead to complaints of spring/summer/fall when some wanted to get away but again, brother was busy with crops fighting weather windows.

Good luck with it and when the day comes, home hospice care may be a viable option like it was for our family as both parents would not allow any discussion about being put into a facility. 

I read an interesting quote one day.  "If you are taking care of a parent and you get frustrated, just think about the years of care s/he provided you, without complaint!"

My wife and I work Home Care for elderly.  If the person is below the poverty level you can get paid, in MI anyway, for taking care of an elderly person, even a relative.  Current pay is $16.50/hr  M.I.L. receives 17xx hours of care per month.  You do the math.  Just thought I would throw that out there for yous.  After working my entire life and never receiving any assistance, not even unemployment, I don't have a problem accepting this one bit!

Pray and look to the Lord for help. And many here will pray along with me,for your situation.

tadams(OH) wrote: My mother has been in assisted living but she is running out of money and will be moving to a rest home, it's crazy that they won't pay for assisted living but will pay more for a person to go to rest home and get same thing, single room. Just more lobbyist getting paid from the rest homes.

 UMMm,,I guess I'm a little dense at the two descriptions you use,,,assisted living and rest home.  How do those compare with a "Nursing Home"?

assisted living is you have your own living area and a commons eating area and entertainment area. There's also a nurse that makes sure everyone takes there meds as required.

Rest Home is the same as Nursing Home

  Hey Thad,,,Times 2 what everybody is sayin. If she is on Madicare, there are a whole lot of benefits available but like ole Ray says above,,,you just got to know where to look cause they do not  make those things readily known. Start with her case worker to find what your Momma qualifies for, and don't be surprised at some that she does not qualify for,,,it is amlost shocking what the guvment thinks she has to so without,!! Altho, there are lots that she can get, like Home Health,which provide a nurse for a 1 hour to come to your house up to 3 times per week to check up on her. Fact is,,there is a commercial that Joe Namath, (remember him?) talks about all the things that are available,,you just gotta call em and find out,,,he even says they have home delivered meals,,,who'd a thought ole Joe Namath is getting home delivered meals,,???  LOL

 Well,,,That is just great, Thad,,Ya'll are on your way to better care for your Mother. Thing to do is agree with most of the things available up front,,,you can always just cancel them that she doesn't like,,,,

An for DJ question and it's probably different in every state,but here assisted living cannot handle the pills and such. So once you slip to far around the bend  you have go the nursing home route. Other things assisted living didn't do was help with bathing and getting dressed on a daily bases, unless you payed extra. Then it was about the same cost as a nursing home. And the workers didn't have as much training,so in my mother in laws case they caused trouble with her brittle bones.  Not that they were not trying to be careful just not knowing how. 

Many states have these programs for folks that want to/can still live at home and my Dad ended up with a new roof, new on-demand tankless water heater, new furnace and whole house insulation program. 

Family members were always on-site for reviewing suggested upgrades and the work they did as state program had pre-approved contractors, some our family had experiences with and they allowed "second choice" contractors to be used.

Something worth mentioning is our Dad insisted for years that the CC companies would forgive any CC balances when he passed so we watched that closely due to the daily calls from companies that prey on the elderly.

Well, low and behold, he was right as when contacted after he passed, the two cards advised that with a copy of the passing proof, they cleared both accounts and gave something in writing.

Was not a huge amount on either card but surprised all of us that the card companies did this, we figured we would have to pay them off.

It was amazing all the little thing mom did that without trying was covering up how bad dad's mind had slipped. Since we are 15 miles from town and had a place across the road from dad,we left him over night by himself for almost 2 years more. But the Lord provided in many ways. With myself and 2 kids in junior college living at home we got him and took him to lunch in town and to see mom every day for almost 3 years. A few days a month his brother or my sister from out of area and my wife would give the 3 of us normal ones a day off.(My wife was teaching school ) We finally moved in with him for the last months. Then as he got worse and need shots and medicine at all hours of the day he spent another 2 years in a nursing home along with mom. (Mom had always like doctors and hospital and liked the idea of a nursing home,with not much use of left side and other issues that was also a blessing)Which by then he had forgotten so much it was surprising how happy he was in the home.

But all people are different in just how much care you can give. As well as how much the cared for one is needing done for them. So don't judge yourself if or when it gets to be a bigger load than you can carry.

 I firmly believe since they don't remember things to begin with a mild anti depressant drug is very helpful thing. It really was better for my dad when he was at the home in that the doctor saw him often and got the dosage much better dialed in. Because before the anti depressant he would get mad about things from 30 or 50 years ago if old memories where triggered. The good thing it would go away fast to,but he was still upset,even though he did not know why.

If you have no other outlet for frustration Thad keep coming back and rant all you want. Not good to have to bottle to much up after a while. Will do my best to remember to hold you up in prayer every day.