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desertjoe 
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 Topic: Good one to start the day,,,,,
Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 3:50am |
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
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desertjoe
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 3:52am |
'Nother one,,,, A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house." |
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desertjoe
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 3:58am |
OK,,,,OK,,,just this one more,,,,,,
| Frank had always been a decent guy and upon his death he went to the Pearly Gates, and was met by St. Peter. St Peter looked in the book of life, and said Frank you had a pretty good life, here's your Cloud, Robe, and Harp, Frank left, floating happily away on his cloud, playing his harp, it wasn't long, and he realized the Harp was awful small, and the Robe was pretty itchy. About that time here comes old Joe! Joe's got a Cloud as big as a Cadillac, a beautiful Redhead under one arm, and a barrel of Whiskey under the other! Now Frank didn't think this was quite right. Joe was a rounder. and kind of a roughyun! Frank realized Joe must have been Christian, otherwise he wouldn't be here at all. But this just wasn't right! So Frank paddled his little cloud along until he found St Peter. He said, St Peter things don't seem to be very fair here in Heaven. St. Peter says why do you say that. Well I happen to know Old Joe, and he wasn't exactly the best person. I was a lot better person then he was! St Peter says, not all things are as they seem. Frank Says, How's that? He's got a Cloud the size of a Cadillac, a Beautiful Woman, and a Barrel of Whiskey! and all I got was this tiny cloud, Itchy robe, and this tiny harp. How is that Fair! Well says St Peter. The Whiskey barrel has a hole in it, and the Redhead doesn't |
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shameless dude
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 4:19am |
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thems good ones Joe!
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 6:16am |
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JOE, JOE, JOE.
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klinemar
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Location: Michigan
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 6:49am |
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Good jokes!
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chaskaduo
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 10:11am |
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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DMiller
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 10:33am |
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VERY Very Funny Joe!!
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Hubert (Ga)engine7
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 12:28pm |
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Just an old country boy saved by the grace of God.
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Ray54
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 6:55pm |
Well Joe  I hope your catching a good nape this afternoon,so you can spend all night coming up with more funnies. 
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desertjoe
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Posted: 07 Apr 2019 at 8:44pm |
ACTUALLY,,,,Ray,,,,,I have been kinda runnin out of gas long bout 1-2 in the PM and,,,,and,,,that is just bout when the Wife takes her nap after lunch,,,,so I been sneakin in a little Nap of my own in the den with the two mutts for company (they don't complain bout my snorin,,,chit they BOTH do some pretty good snorin theirselves,,,,),  My sleep habits is all messed up since the Wife's health issues started,,,,,,,and most days I'm on here at 2 AM,,,or 3 AM or 4,,,,,,,and,,,,and,,,I ain't goin to walmart at those times just to see the weirdos,,,,,,,
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thendrix
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Location: Fairmount GA
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Posted: 08 Apr 2019 at 6:11am |
Rather come here to see these weirdos huh
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"Farming is a business that makes a Las Vegas craps table look like a regular paycheck" Ronald Reagan
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chaskaduo
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Posted: 08 Apr 2019 at 7:49am |
Tyler 
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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desertjoe
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Posted: 08 Apr 2019 at 9:01am |
Chit,,,Tyler,,,IF,,,IF,,,,they was to steal my putor,,,,I'd go plumb friggin nutz,,,,,!!! I absolutely HATE watchin the news anymore,,,all you see is how bad the news media and the liberals hate President Trump and how bad he is for the country,,,,! From where I sit,,,that man is doing a dang good job what with the economy and jobs and wages,,,He is making all them countries that been takin advantage of the USA pony up and be fair.,,,but I'll stop there before I start a war here,,,, My putor is my access to the best group of people anywheres AND my release of tensions,,,cause just when you think the whole world is agin you,,,,,,,you find that there are others out there with much bigger problems that yours,,,,,, SO,,,,get in, shut up and hang on tight,,,,,, 
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Ray54
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Posted: 08 Apr 2019 at 11:30am |
 desertjoe wrote:
ACTUALLY,,,,Ray,,,,,I'm on here at 2 AM,,,or 3 AM or 4,,,,,,,and,,,,and,,,I ain't goin to walmart at those times just to see the weirdos,,,,,,, |
But...........but ................ that's the only way we are going to get the picture worth a million words.................. Of the one in hiding in plain sight.
I gets a little grumpy if I see to much of 1 or 2 an 3 in the dark ,but  it happens more and more  old age but it's better than the alternatives.
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desertjoe
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Posted: 09 Apr 2019 at 10:26am |
Chit,,,got up a tad late but,,,,here goes,,,,,,,
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again decided to leave a note saying,
"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me" and hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom, she could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone; - "she's finally gone...yeah, I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to pick you up, put on the sexy French *, I love you".
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote;
"I can see your feet. Stop being an idiot, we're outta bread, throw the kettle on, back in 5 minutes |
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