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OK, it's that time again,,,, |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13545 |
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Posted: 10 Feb 2021 at 9:19am |
Two thieves break into a house.
Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there. A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!" |
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steve(ill)
Orange Level Access Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: illinois Points: 80828 |
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Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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Thad in AR.
Orange Level Access Joined: 12 Sep 2009 Location: Arkansas Points: 9438 |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13545 |
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The IRS has returned my tax return to me this year after I apparently answered on the the questions incorrectly...
In response to the question "Do you have anyone dependent on you?" I wrote: "9.5 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 3.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 850 prisons, plus 650 idiots in Washington." The IRS stated the answer I gave was "unacceptable!" I then wrote back: "Who did I leave out?" |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13545 |
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OK, just one more,,,,, If you get a loan from a bank, you'll be paying it off for 30 yrs.
If you rob a bank, you'll be out in 10 yrs. Follow me for more financial advice. ~~~ When we're young, we sneak out of the house to go to parties. When we're old, we sneak out of parties to go home. ~~~ Once you understand why pizza is made round, Packed in a square box, And eaten as a triangle . . . Then you will understand women. ~~~ Our town is so small we don't have a town drunk so we all take turns. ~~~ It's my wife's birthday tomorrow, she's been leaving catalogues all over the house, so I've bought her a magazine rack. ~~~ Fish bite twice a day ... Before you get there and after you leave. ~~~ I think the real reason this generation is so screwed-up is because their music sucks. ~~~ I bet Canada feels like they live in the apartment above a Meth Lab. ~~~ Two things to make your day better: * Do not watch the news. * Stay off the bathroom scales |
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steve(ill)
Orange Level Access Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: illinois Points: 80828 |
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I then wrote back: "Who did I leave out?"
and the rest are GREAT ALSO !!
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Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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Wayne180d
Orange Level Joined: 08 Dec 2015 Location: Gilman, Il Points: 5926 |
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I was talking to my niece today at breakfast and asked if she knew what day it was today
She replied "It's President's day" So I asked if she knew what it meant expecting a reply about Bush, Obama, or Clinton Bur she replied "It's the day the president steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we will have another year of BULL!!! It hurts when hot tea spurts out your nose. |
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plummerscarin
Orange Level Access Joined: 22 Jun 2015 Location: ia Points: 3422 |
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LOL
Edited by plummerscarin - 15 Feb 2021 at 10:31pm |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13545 |
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Tbone95
Orange Level Access Joined: 31 Aug 2012 Location: Michigan Points: 11589 |
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Wayne, that's freakin' hilarious!!!
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