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Bringing in the new year,,,, |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13361 |
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Posted: 31 Dec 2019 at 6:38pm |
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A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding.
The driver, an elderly woman, says "But I was doing 84, just like the sign said!" The trooper says "Ma'am, that was the Route #. The speed limit is 55." Then he notices that the elderly man in the passenger seat looks a little pale and shaky. So he asks "Are you feeling OK, sir?" The passenger replies "Weeeee jjjjuuusssttt ccccaaammmeee offff Route 124!!!!" |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13361 |
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One more,,,
A
young man is visiting his girlfriend at her parent's home for the first
time...He's looking for a cup to make some tea in when he notices a
long row of handmade cups, each inscribed with what seems like
half-words. Just then the girlfriend's mother walks in, and he asks her
what the deal with the cups are.
"Oh those. They are our family cups, one for each member, they've been inscribed so we know which is whose." She pulls one of the cups down, which says "HIC" on it "This one's for little William, whenever he gets a hiccup episode we fill this cup to the brim, he's always cured when he's finished it, so it's his HIC-cup." She then pulls down another cup that says "BREA" on it "This is for Angela, whenever she's heartbroken she likes to drink hot toddy out of this, so this is her BREA-Cup." "Ahh, okay, I get it. But doesn't your husband get his own cup?" "Oh he does" The mom replies "It's the one that says 'SHUTTHEFU' on it...
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13361 |
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OH,,,OK,,just one more,,,, A guy goes into a bar in California's Silicon Valley, where there is a robot bartender serving drinks.
The robot asks in a metallic humanoid voice, "What will you have?" The guy replies, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot continues on to talk to him about molecular physics, space exploration, and medical technology. After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back. The robot asks, "What's your drink?" The guy answers, "Whiskey." The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "100." The robot then talks about Nascar, Budweiser, Deer season, the 49ers, the Raiders, and the Dodgers. The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his "experiment" that he decides to try again. He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Whiskey." The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man answers, "35". The robot leans in real close and asks, "So,. . . Do you folks really think you're going to impeach Donald Trump?" |
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13361 |
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Just one little one,,,?? Today my son asked how I know everyone else driving is named Dick.
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Hubert (Ga)engine7
Orange Level Joined: 12 Sep 2009 Location: Jackson Cnty,GA Points: 6129 |
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Joe, you are on a roll tonight! Happy New Year!
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Just an old country boy saved by the grace of God.
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HD6GTOM
Orange Level Joined: 30 Nov 2009 Location: MADISON CO IA Points: 6627 |
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Hoping your all gonna have a Happy One. Not too much egg nog, not too much Black Label, but just enough.
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fixer1958
Orange Level Joined: 13 Feb 2010 Location: kansas Points: 2435 |
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Best I have heard in awhile.
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Ted J
Orange Level Joined: 05 Jul 2010 Location: La Crosse, WI Points: 18727 |
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Now that's BEERinging in the new year!!
Hope it's a GREAT one for you Joe, you deserve it! |
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"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17 |
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shameless dude
Orange Level Joined: 10 Apr 2017 Location: east NE Points: 13611 |
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Joe...I sure hope this year is better for you and Joyce...and others on the forum!
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desertjoe
Orange Level Access Joined: 23 Sep 2013 Location: New mexico Points: 13361 |
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Well,,THANK YOU, Guys for the best wishes,,,cause,,I'm Wich you,,,, And, Shameless,,,Many thanks for the beautiful card,,,,,I told Joyce you and Ms. Dee bought it specially for her,,,,
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chaskaduo
Orange Level Joined: 26 Nov 2016 Location: Twin Cities Points: 5203 |
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[TUBE]4J2SsFQBu4c[/TUBE]
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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Ted J
Orange Level Joined: 05 Jul 2010 Location: La Crosse, WI Points: 18727 |
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and they breed.....
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"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17 |
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