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desertjoe 
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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 Topic: A good laugh a day is good,,,,,
Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:19pm |
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6″ and 130 pounds and he's 6'8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice |
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13356
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Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:21pm |
UMMmm,,,maybe two laughs,,,,
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now back off!! Or I'll kick the heck out of all of you!!"
St. Peter was impressed. He asked, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago ..."
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13356
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Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:23pm |
Chit,,may as well try three,,,,
Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
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Thad in AR.
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Arkansas
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Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:38pm |
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Years ago Pet milk put adds in farm magazines that they we’re having a contest to have people write a new slogan. The winner would receive $500.00
A dairy farmers wife sent in this
“No tits to pull no chit to pitch just poke a hole in the son of a bitch.”
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shameless dude
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Joined: 10 Apr 2017
Location: east NE
Points: 13611
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 12:25am |
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I like them all! thanks
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Clay
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Udall, Kansas
Points: 8755
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 12:48pm |
Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder catastrophe.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, it would not come anyway.
_________________________
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steve(ill)
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: illinois
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 1:03pm |
Your loving daughter, Alice NOW THATS FUNNY !!! I think I know her !
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Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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Scott B
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Joined: 14 Sep 2013
Location: Kansas City
Points: 1001
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 3:27pm |
Newlywed couple was getting ready for bed on the big honeymoon night. Young feller bent down and took off his shoes. His bride looks over and says, "what's wrong with your toes?: Young man replies..."well, you see, I had Toelio when I was a kid" Goes on to drop his britches and his bride studying him over and says, "Oh my, what's wrong with your knees?" Young fella says.."Well sure enough, I had the Kneasels as well". Poor guy moves on and drops his undershorts.....Young Bride gasps and says, "Don't tell me you had small cox too!" He was probably a John Deere owner.........
Edited by Scott B - 05 Dec 2018 at 3:29pm
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D17 Series 1
Allis B- 1939
Allis B- 1945
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Wayne180d
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Joined: 08 Dec 2015
Location: Gilman, Il
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:27pm |
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Definitely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HD6GTOM
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Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Location: MADISON CO IA
Points: 6627
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:38pm |
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Some days I thinks I'm married to Alice?
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:59pm |
Hey Tom,,,you best be real glad your Honey ain't like little ole Alice ,,,UMMmm you,,,you,,,ain't had the Rastle her yet have you,,,,???  
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Clay
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 6:06am |
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. Th e news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took the money.
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13356
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 9:17am |
SHEEEeessseeeeeee
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chaskaduo
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Joined: 26 Nov 2016
Location: Twin Cities
Points: 5203
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 9:49am |
Let me up I've had enough.
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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Ted J
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Joined: 05 Jul 2010
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 10:49am |
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Oldies but goodies.
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"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17
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JC-WI
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Location: wisconsin
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 12:57pm |
" Let me up I've had enough.  "Me thoughts were Chaska was refurrin ta the round with the wife this mornin... 
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He who says there is no evil has already deceived himself
The truth is the truth, sugar coated or not. Trawler II says, "Remember that."
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chaskaduo
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Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 1:46pm |
I was ROTFLMAO reading them jokes. The loving, I mean rotten ex wife was never funny. Except when she fell on hard times after her new man spent her mommas inheritance and ran off with another woman. Hardy Har Har . I then got my daughter back, daughter was eight at the time. Seems it was hard to attract a meal ticket then.
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 1:05pm |
OH,,OK,,just this one,,,,
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?" | |
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shameless dude
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Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 2:36pm |
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LMAO!! thanks guys...I needed them!
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shameless dude
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Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 2:36pm |
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Scott....you hit the nail on the head!
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Thad in AR.
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Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 6:28pm |
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A guy walks in a bar and orders a beer
Bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers.
Soon the guy orders another beer. The bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers. Soon he orders one more. The bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers.
The guy looks at the bartender and asks what do you have against lawyers?
The bartender reply’s lawyers are a-holes. The customer says you better take that back. The bartender says why, are you a lawyer? The customer says no I’m an a-hole.
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john(MI)
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Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 7:53pm |
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Ilene.
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other in Japan?
Irene
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D14, D17, 5020, 612H, CASE 446
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