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DiyDave View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 Apr 2019 at 1:01pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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DMiller View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DMiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Apr 2019 at 1:23pm
Good Grief, they will find any manner of wording to keep from accepting they are CENSORING Free Speech, nothing hateful just does NOT fit their represented LIBRETARDED views.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2019 at 5:41am
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2019 at 5:54pm

New Poll Reveals Americans Strongly In Favor Of Legalizing Comedy
April 23rd, 2019

U.S.—Despite the fact that many in the media continue to rail against comedy, support for legalizing jokes continues to grow across the nation.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="true" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

According to a new survey, there are now more Americans who support legalization of comedy than there have been since everyone started becoming delicate and easily offended about ten years ago. And importantly, that support is growing across all demographics and political affiliations.

This massive wave of support comes as more and more people learn how to take a joke, and that words aren't actually violence. Similarly, the rapidly growing support for legalization could become an important factor in the upcoming 2020 presidential election.

The new data comes from a recent social survey. According to the report, 89% of Americans favor legalizing comedy completely. It appears those who pushed to make comedy illegal were a small number of very unhappy people. The same anti-comedy demographic also wanted to outlaw joy, smiling, bacon, and hugs.

Other key findings from the survey include:

  • Most people aren't nearly as fragile and humorless as the media claims
  • According to a geographical breakdown, the Midwest showed the strongest support for legalization while people along the coastlines still take themselves far too seriously.
  • Support for legalization is lowest in college towns, with many university students showing a severe lack of knowledge that such a thing as laughter even exists.

In light of these results, insiders expect political candidates to go to great lengths to express their support for jokes, even if they themselves do not engage in humor personally.Wink

Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DMiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2019 at 6:03pm
Now THAT IS Funny Dave!!!
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DiyDave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2019 at 6:11pm
I also like political jokes, its just that I've seen too many of them get elected...Wink
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Apr 2019 at 1:57pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NEVER green Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Apr 2019 at 9:31am

My GOD Democrats are stupid.
2-8050 1-7080 6080 D-19 modelE & A 7040   R50       
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Apr 2019 at 7:15pm

'Mortal Kombat' Introduces Brutal New Fatality Where Your Character Just States An Opposing Viewpoint
April 29th, 2019

U.S.—In a surprise update to Mortal Kombat 11 released to players on Monday, NetherRealm and Warner Bros. Interactive have introduced a brutal new fatality where your character just states an opposing viewpoint, and the opponent dies instantly.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="true" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

Every character can reportedly access this new alternative fatality.

One character says, "There are only two genders," and his opponent instantly melts into nothing, being unable to handle the opposing viewpoint. Another character suggests that capitalism isn't all bad, and his opponent's head instantly falls off. Other Mortal Kombat fighters make statements about how it's OK to be white, or how you can be friends with people with opposing political ideas. 

Every single time the statement is made, the opponent instantly dies from the sudden and unexpected shattering of their echo chamber.

According to insiders, Ben Shapiro is expected to be introduced as downloadable content soon, and he will "literally make his opponents explode in blood and guts with facts and logic."Wink

Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DMiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Apr 2019 at 6:30am
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tbone95 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Apr 2019 at 6:33am
Love the mortal kombat one! Hahahaha
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DMiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Apr 2019 at 8:10am
Almost wish they would turn into melting Snowflakes!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2019 at 7:56am
 
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2019 at 6:45pm
Facebook SWAT Team Arrests Man For Illegal Possession Of Conservative Views
May 6th, 2019

LA MESA, CA—As part of a widespread crackdown on unacceptable viewpoints on the social network, Facebook sent out its SWAT teams Monday to arrest local man Kent Rogers for illegal possession of conservative views.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

After Facebook took out several fringe personalities last week, conservatives thought they were in the clear, but it turns out they were just next on the list.

Rogers' arrest was part of a broader push against the illegal conservative view trade, which is estimated to affect millions of innocent Americans every year. Facebook SWAT specialists lined up outside his house for an early-morning, no-knock raid after he was caught posting a meme about Hillary Clinton's 30,000 missing emails on his page.

"We booked him on possession of several tons of illicit viewpoints, including the idea that government should be relatively small, Christian values are generally a good thing, and cisgendered males aren't always bad," one lieutenant of the Facebook SWAT force said. "Residents of La Mesa can rest easy tonight knowing these ideas are off the streets."

Proud officers took pictures with their haul, including hundreds of deadly books that question a far-left worldview, a signed picture of Ronald Reagan, and a copy of The Art of the Deal, a banned substance in all 50 states.

Rogers has been booked on the manufacture, possession, and spreading of conservative values.Wink

Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2019 at 5:40pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2019 at 5:36pm
While Cracking Down On Fringe Conspiracy Theorists, Facebook Accidentally Bans CNN
May 8th, 2019

MENLO PARK, CA—As Facebook went after fringe conspiracy theorists earlier this week, there was an accidental casualty on the social network: CNN.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

According to Facebook reps, the automated system that scans the network for wild conspiracy theories like Holocaust denial, weather manipulation, flat earthers, and Russian collusion flagged CNN as one of the most prominent promoters of fake news on the network.

"Our algorithm looked for pages and people that were constantly peddling outlandish conspiracy theories, and it seems to have banned CNN for some reason," a Facebook representative said in a statement. "It appears that since CNN is still insisting that President Trump colluded with Russia, despite a mountain of facts and evidence showing that he did not, our computer systems determined that our network would have much less fake news without CNN."

Facebook apologized for the error and reinstated CNN while banning 59 more conservative pages to make restitution for the mistake.Wink

Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2019 at 7:27am
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 May 2019 at 6:23pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2019 at 5:56pm


YouTube To Run All Potentially Offensive Content Past Easily Spooked Possum
June 6th, 2019

SAN BRUNO, CA—After a heated debate about what kind of content YouTube will allow on their platform, YouTube's administrative team has decided that, in the name of fairness, all content should first be run by an easily spooked, cornered, nervous, twitchy, and possibly rabid possum.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

The possum was acquired along a roadside outside of San Bruno, recently orphaned when its mother was run over by a Tesla. The shocked and skittish animal was taken into YouTube custody and placed in a small white room. YouTube content analysts would then enter the room and corner the nervy vermin and hold a device displaying new content in its face, slowly closing in on it until it became increasingly agitated, ultimately causing the animal to froth at the mouth, keel over, and play dead.

"If the possum can't handle it, it's clearly abusive content that needs to be removed," said one of the head researchers at YouTube. "Or at the very least, demonetized." The researcher then pushed a giant red button marked "DEMONETIZED" and the staff let out a brief round of applause.

YouTube staff says despite doing everything they can to accommodate the possum's every desire, he continues to lash out when not playing dead. "A real bundle of nerves, this one," a technician said while holding a video of Steven Crowder in the possum's face, driving it to stiffen up and pass out again. Wink



Edited by DiyDave - 06 Jun 2019 at 7:32pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jun 2019 at 5:43pm

Google Deploys Squads Of Firemen To Burn Offensive Books, Videos, Websites
June 7th, 2019

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—It looks like Google is adding hundreds of jobs to Silicon Valley, as its newly opened book-burning division is looking to hire firemen.

< width="300" height="250" border="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" ="0" ="0" allowtransparency="true" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="aswift_1" name="aswift_1" style="-sizing: border-; left: 0px; : ; top: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; width: 300px; height: 250px;">

These firemen don't put out fires, but rather, they destroy books, videos, information, and anything else that contradicts a far-left worldview. They utilize fire at 451 degrees Fahrenheit. Google's robotics division has also reportedly developed a Mechanical Hound designed to sniff out resistance to its totalitarian destruction of offensive content.

Google listed several hundred available positions in the company's new "Firehouse" department. The listing posted on Google's Careers page is replicated below:

Position: Fireman

Location: Various

Qualifications:

  • Good with fire
  • Won't question orders
  • At least two years of book-burning experience
  • Bachelor's degree in gender studies or equivalent practical experience (e.g., screaming at sky, rioting, etc.) 
  • Far-left worldview

About the job

Google aspires to be an organization that doesn't allow any dissent on the internet. And people have increasingly come to support and vote for policies that cancel, delete, and remove worldviews and people they disagree with. It's a much cleaner, safer, entertaining world this way.

Responsibilities:

  • Scour the internet, local book stores and libraries, YouTube, etc. for content that has the potential to make someone uncomfortable and destroy it.
  • Cancel people the Company disagrees with.
  • Go on coffee runs from time to time

In response to the looming destruction of history, books, and dissent, a group of exiles has reportedly fled to the hills, each of them having memorized a book or YouTube video that Google has destroyed in hopes of one day rebuilding society.Wink

Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2019 at 6:27pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2019 at 6:04pm


Edited by DiyDave - 13 Jun 2019 at 6:05pm
Source: Babylon Bee
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DiyDave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jun 2019 at 5:41am
Source: Babylon Bee
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